FireFox encountered a Problem with WindowsFor this week on The Franklin Make Over exercise, I am focusing on Discipline. Although I do consider myself pretty disciplined in a lot of aspects of my life, I find that I am not disciplined in other parts of my life that I feel are important.  This makes me feel guilty and I hate saying this but…unworthy. I suppose its more of a lack of focus of what I find important in life that I wanted to be disciplined on.

This is why I think I am more like the fox than the hedgehog mainly because I am guilty of “multitasking” and getting distracted with less important things pretty easily, instead of focusing on what I should be doing  to work towards my PPNs and/or my DMP.

Doing the Paired Comparison does help, and I don’t think I am as bad as I was at the beginning of this MKMMA journey, but my old blue print seems to be holding me back in this area of my life.

I am wondering to if there’s some sort of level of fear of success that is play, maybe a White Personality Trait that if I can’t do it perfectly, why do it at all.

I had an aha moment about my stressing over completing my blog post. I haven’t missed a blog post or the posting deadline since starting my MKMMA blog.  I find I’m stressing over it because of the fear of losing my posting streak. I feel responsible for taking care of it and I had this false belief that if I slipped on not doing something I am responsible for (even if I only slipped once) I would be branded unreliable.

I want to point out to that doing my blog is one of my most challenging tasks for me.  I take hours to write a single blog post, not to mention that I’m a slow reader.  Not only because I simply am not sure what to write about for the week but, I believe my stressing over it is a big contributing factor to my writers block these last few weeks. I believe this is one of my White Personality traits of trying to be perfect, failure is not a option.

I guess I just have to…

This is a pretty big topic to think about, I have so many things bouncing around my head about how Fear, Hurt Feelings, Anger, Guilt and/or Unworthiness can be used as tools of expanding my comfort zone. The first thing that comes to my mind is the scene in Adam Sandler’s movie “The Waterboy”. When Bobby (Adam Sandler’s character) discovered he has a unique tackling ability and becomes a member of the football team by letting out a streak of anger aka “Opening a Can Of Whoop-Ass” that was triggered from his hurt feelings towards his mother, when one of the football players was teasing him how dumb he was.

Another thought was the video clip I shared back in Week 18 on this blog with Oprah Winfrey and Tony Robbins, about the story that we base everything on. We’re not following our dreams because we are stuck in fear. We don’t allow our story to evolve. Then we wonder why we are left feeling depressed, bored, and stuck in the same spot in life, suffering in silence, and covering ourselves with new cement blocks over our Golden Buddha.

The biggest one for me personally is when I started MKMMA. At the beginning of this journey, I never really had a strong sense of direction, and not sure what I wanted to do with my life. You could say that I didn’t really like meeting new people either. A lot of these things were pretty big concrete blocks that was covering my Golden Buddha, that now I find pretty silly.

I use to feel guilty when I watched a movie or play video games because I felt that I could of invested that time more wisely. I felt anger mainly because I felt like I didn’t have enough time in the day to do the things I wanted to accomplished. Being a white personality, I feared that I may screwed up on a project for school or work and look like an idiot. I shy away from people that I’ve never meet before because I feared not just getting my feelings hurt, but getting hurt period. The list could go on. Throughout MKMMA, I become a better observer on what I felt and think about. Of course there’s always something to improve on about ourselves, but it is a far cry from where I’ve been.

The Week 19 video had really hit me over the head…. feels kinda familiar….

It felt like a hit in a head because I do a lot of Low-Power Poses  and I hadn’t really noticed that I was doing it.  It didn’t even occur to me that it had such an impact on how I feel until I watched it!

Since then, I’ve been doing the “Wonder Woman Pose” or stretching my arms out (almost in a way like Jumping Jacks, but without the jumping). I’ve been doing that as well as other High-Power Poses, especially before I do my daily readings. It felt embarrassing and awkward.   I say ‘awkward’ because I don’t recall ever doing that kind of posing before.   As well,I’ve been doing my posing alone in a private place.  It still felt a bit embarrassing.

On the upside, I am very astonished how uplifted I felt even after doing it for a few minutes, I felt more gratitude doing my flash cards, have an easier time reading Scroll V, Definite Major Purpose, The Blue Print Builder and so on.

As for the ‘Services’ I use to dread, I even experienced even MORE Joy and Enthusiasm (which is a part of my DMP), and that’s just doing these High-Power Poses for only a few minutes.

I even catch myself when I feel a bit irritable or overwhelmed,  I stop what I am doing and take a few minutes to do my “Wonder Woman Pose”… despite feeling awkward. After that, I almost feel like I drank a couple cups of energy. I find it a pretty phenomenal exercise that I could integrate easily within my day.

Start on 0:20 for Tony Robbins

In Scroll V, it states “I will waste not a moment mourning yesterday’s misfortunes, yesterday’s  defeats, yesterday’s aches of the heart, for why should I throw good after bad?”. This was the line I was hearing in my head when I watched this YouTube clip with Oprah Winfrey and Tony Robbins when Oprah said “Everything is based on your story, and that most people are stuck because of the story they told themselves 10 years ago, 15 years ago, 20 years ago, and your still living out of that story, instead of allowing your story to evolve.”

As Tony Robbins explains, You can’t access the answers as long as you have a story that says it’s impossible, or that will never work, or I’ve tried everything, or I can’t be that, and so on. Kinda sounds like our old DMP. As Tony also said “We all know the power believe you can change our bio chemistry. But we don’t really realize that often that the story might even be true. It might be true the your right, might be true that you went through hell, but that’s not why you have what you want today. That is horrific, but that’s not what is today, that’s the reason you’re giving, cuz you’re just deathly afraid it’s what it is going to take to do it today.”

Therefore the only thing keeping me from getting what I want is the my old story or my past self talk (aka Old DMP) that I kept telling myself about why our New DMP can’t happen or won’t happen.